I write and teach a lot about goal setting. And goal setting is great when you have clear, tangible things you want to accomplish - losing a certain amount of weight, saving a certain amount of money, signing on a certain number of clients... you get it.
But what about those things that we want that aren't as measurable? What about spending time with our loved ones, growing personally or professionally, or changing the way we behave in our relationships? Can I set a goal to be 15% more present with my kids? Or to enjoy time with my parents 30% more?
Intentions are about who or how you want to be in the world and then consciously focusing your thoughts, actions, and energy in that direction.
Some people say that intentions need to be specific, and others say they can be vague. I say do what works for you, but I'm also here to provide you with a structure (if you want it).
Start with what's important
This means knowing yourself - your values and strengths. When you know what's important to you and you know what you bring to the world, it's a lot easier to move intentionally. The world throws a lot of distractions at you that can easily fill up your time. The goal of an intention is to focus on and prioritize what matters and then let life fill up the space around it.
If you haven't see it before and have four minutes to spare, this oldie-but-goodie from Steven Covey demonstrates the value of starting with what's important.
Get a baseline
Once you've found an area for improvement or growth, identify where you are today. If you want more gratitude in your life, what's your current set of gratitude practices? If you want to lead a healthier life, what's your definition of "healthy" and how much do you live up to it now? Knowing where you're starting will help you later identify whether you've grown in this area or not.
Find a target
While I'm generally fine with "more" and "better" as targets for intentions, that might not be specific or motivating enough for you. Think through what your life would be like if you reached your intention - how much more would you have? How much better would you be? Then use that thinking to guide your initial target.
Brainstorm options
Once you've decided on where you want to go, get a little more practical about what you can do to get there. If you're cultivating gratitude, you could journal, or pause with every cup of coffee, or plan to tell your loved one what you are grateful for at the start of each visit -- whatever you come up with is an experiment to see if it works. If it does, keep it! If it doesn't, don't feel bad. It's not a failure, it's an opportunity to reassess.
Anticipate obstacles
What's likely to keep you from pursuing your intention? Will you let work get in the way? Are there others around you who might not like what you're aiming for? (Or even harder: will they say they like it but then not support you or even sabotage you?) Since we're not getting any extra time in life to pursue these intentions, part of this step is recognizing what you'll need to say no to in order to say yes to your intention.
Get going!
Intentions are only valuble if you take action on them. You can intend until the cows come home, but if those intentions aren't capturing your focus and driving your behavior, they're just thoughts or wishes. Which are cute, but not the same thing.
So here's an example of how I put this into practice:
Start with what's important: I was feeling emptiness (or a lack of fullness) in my social life; I was lonely. I set an intention (with the help of my coach) to spend more time with people who are not my family. Community and belonging are two important values of mine and I felt I wasn't giving them enough attention.
Get a baseline: I rated my social engagement on a random scale of 1-10 (where 1 was total solitude and 10 was a feeling of belonging and involvement) at about a 6.
Find a target: I identified that I wanted to head toward 10, but would also be ok if I moved just to a 7 or 8. This meant that I would give around two hours of each week to social connections. Some weeks might have more, some might have less, but two hours was a manageable number for me.
Brainstorm options: Then my coach and I brainstormed things I could do to move in that direction -- reach out to moms of my kids' friends, volunteer for a local non-profit, connect more with my existing friends, and just generally say yes to more opportunities that presented themselves.
Anticipate obstacles: A big part of this activity was also acknonwledging what I would need to say no to if I were to say yes to more social connection, and that was giving up some time with my kids and family. I knew I would feel guity going out when the girls were complaining that I wasn't staying home, so I needed to give myself a mantra ("a happy mommy is better for everyone") that allowed me to walk out the door more often.
Get going: I'm happy to report that most weeks since I've set the intention, I've been more social. I've reached out to others for plans and activities, and felt more like I have a community. I've shifted the way I see social connection from being a luxury or a nice-to-have to something that makes my business stronger, my family happier, and my life fuller.
Not bad, eh?
Some tools to help you:
This blog post of mine has a variety of value-based activities to help you get clearer on what's important to you
This Character Strengths Assessment (which I'm happy to help you debrief) can help you pinpoint your unique strengths
This article has 12 suggestions for intentions you could set but I truly believe the best intetions are the ones you identify yourself.
These guidelines for gratitude journaling (since I mentioned it so much) may be helpful to you in cultivating more gratitude
Finally, if you want more of this, join my JumpStart Three-Month Goal Setting Program that starts in January. It's a mix of both goal- and intention-setting and gives you all kinds of support, resources, and accountability to get where you want to go in 2025!
Good info