So many people are burnt out. They're exhausted, cynical, and not enjoying their lives. And while the amount of work people have to do (I'm looking at you, neverending to-do list!) is overwhelming, a ridiculous workload isn't the only thing that can lead to burnout. So if you're wondering why you feel so crappy even without an absurdly long task list, read on!
Being on all the time
Being on all the time can be mentally and physically draining. Especially if you're a manager (or a parent, or a caregiver), it can be easy to feel the need to respond to emergencies at any time of day or night. (And what others define as "emergencies" can certainly vary.) This constant need to be available and responsive can take a toll on your well-being. The pressure to always be connected can disrupt work-life balance (if not eliminate it completely) and can interfere with personal relationships. How many times have you skipped something you wanted to do because you had to do something for someone else?
Comparison
Our brains rely on comparisons to understand where we fit in the world. Comparisons help us create a sense of who we are, what we are and aren't good at, and what that means for us socially, financially, and emotionally. However, we can spend too much time comparing ourselves to others, especially around achievements, salary, titles, workload, recognition, rewards, and success (however you define it). When we do that, our self-esteem plummets, even if we're comparing ourselves to people who aren't as awesome as we are. This low self-esteem contributes to feelings of overwhelm and exhaustion and points us down Burnout Lane.
Conflict
Conflict plays a huge role in burnout — more than we might realize. It’s not just the long hours or the endless to-do lists that wear us down, it’s any and all emotional tension that simmers beneath the surface. When conflict goes unresolved or unexpressed, it creates a mental and emotional drain that chips away at our resilience.
Whether it’s a disagreement with a coworker, misalignment with a co-parent, or feeling like people just don't understand what it takes to do what you do, friction builds up over time and erodes your sense of control and purpose, two critical buffers against burnout. Conflict and burnout are also a two-way street, with burnout leading to conflict as well as vice versa.
Dealing with distressing situations
Supporting others through challenging times requires empathy and the more you are exposed to distressing situations, the stronger your boundaries have to be. Few of us are taught boundaries and find ourselves in the position of a coach or therapist without being trained on how to manage others' feelings. Over time, the constant exposure to other people’s struggles can lead to what’s called compassion fatigue, a type of emotional exhaustion that can feel like burnout with an empathetic twist.
Isolation
Isolation often creeps in unnoticed and when we are isolated, we lack the social support and camaraderie that help protect against burnout. Without a trusted circle to lean on, you may find it difficult to decompress or gain perspective on the challenges you face. Over time, this isolation can lead to feelings of disconnection, making it harder to stay engaged and emotionally invested in your work.
Add to that a crushing work schedule and it's no wonder you find yourself alone, or if not actually alone, feeling that way.
Need for control
A natural drive for control that can increase when things feel uncertain often leads to over-involvement. Instead of delegating or letting go of minor issues, we dive in and take on more than we can handle, thinking that if we personally address this one issue, it will turn out better. This not only increases the workload but also amplifies our emotional burden and can lead to micromanaging or an inability to trust others to do their part, which then leads to further isolation. Yay.
No meaning
When we get caught up in tasks that feel invisible or not valued in our organization/ family/ community, the work we do can lose its emotional resonance. (I don't mind being the one to make sure we have soap at our house, but knowing that it's invisible to my family -- we always have soap! -- makes the mental load heavier.) Add to that the amount of time we spend reacting to others and it can feel like we're not in charge of our lives. Which leads to exhaustion and (unsurprisingly) burnout.
No resources
Any work is easier with help. But when you don't have the systems, people, or money you need to get things done, the pressure to do them yourself - alone - increases. That leads to overwork, isolation, and about six of the other things I've listed on this page. Sometimes we need to get creative about our resources - can we barter instead of pay? can we share or alternate childcare with someone else? - when resources are truly tight. (And sometimes we need to speak up or shift our perspective on where our resources should be going when we don't have enough so that we can avoid the cost of our own burnout.)
People pleasing
People-pleasers often have trouble saying "no" to others, and as a result, find themselves with more work, porous boundaries, and overcommitment. This causes a neverending to-do list and a feeling that you're not making any progress on any of your projects, which can lead to feelings of futility and exhaustion. And the pressure to continually say "yes" (even if it's coming from your own head) can cause emotional drain - nobody likes disappointing other people, but with a tightly packed schedule, one task that takes even a few more hours than you expected can throw your whole week off balance. Keeping others happy is emotional labor and many of us have a hard time drawing the line between where we should engage and where we shouldn't.
(Also, people-pleasers tend to avoid conflict so there's often something simmering under the surface that needs to come out but doesn't. Just sayin'.)
Perfectionism
Many people link our sense of self-worth to how we're viewed by others, which can lead to perfectionism. We feel pressure to perform at a high level and to avoid mistakes at all costs, as mistakes could lead to all kinds of bad outcomes, for ourselves and others. This perfectionism creates constant self-criticism, where nothing feels good enough, no matter how hard you work. The mental toll of this perfectionism adds up, pushing you toward burnout as the gap between what you expect of yourself and what’s actually sustainable widens.
Perfectionism causes all kinds of stress and while it may not lead directly to burnout, it's like gasoline on an already burning fire. If you're headed to burnout, perfectionism will get you there a lot faster.
Unfairness
Who wants to work somewhere that's not fair? Whether there's actual unfairness or just the perception of it, managing it can require comparison (see above) and handling distressing situations (see above) that can lead to isolation (see above). Combating or simply existing in an unfair situation (one where there is favoritism, inequitable workloads, lack of recognition, biased decision-making, or whatever awfulness you're experiencing) causes emotional exhaustion. It may lead people-pleasers to try and "equal" things by saying yes or cause perfectionists to work even harder to show their worth.
Workload
In my experience, most people think workload is the key reason they're burnt out. And they're not wrong - having more than you can do in a reasonable amount of time leads to nights and weekends in the office or at the computer, lack of restorative time away, and more stress than you can handle. But how did you end up with this workload in the first place? Have you agreed to be available all the time? Are you comparing yourself to others? Are you negotiating for necessary resources? Often it's the combination of the factors listed above that lead to an unrealistic workload, especially for people-pleasers and perfectionists.
While this is a lot, you can rest assured I'm working on suggestions for combating these different elements and you should check my website soon for a new online course on overcoming burnout!
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